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Ask Dr. Pepper Schwartz
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Have a love or relationship situation you can't figure out?
Here, Dr. Schwartz shares her prudent and sensible ideas.
Dr. Pepper Schwartz
Relationship Expert PerfectMatch.com
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Question
It's been like a dream come true in the past three months! I'm 29-years-old and a single woman. I met this doctor three months ago. When we first talked on the phone, he said he was 45-years-old. After I met him, he looked like late 30's, so I had no doubt he was 45. We had a very wonderful time together. He seems to be very serious to me and a perfect match! Just in case, I yellow booked him to find out if all this is true. Most of it was, except I found out his real age is 53! What should I do?
Dr. Schwatz's Answer
You need to have a serious talk with him immediately. Tell him you found out the truth about his age and you need to know two things: 1. Why did he do it? I think it's pretty clear he wanted to be able to meet younger women and not scare them off with his age, but let him tell you his reason; and 2. Why hasn’t he told you the truth before now, after three months?
I hear a lot of men and women say they look and feel younger than their age. So, they don't want their age to handicap them in their choice of partners. However, this much of a lie about your age – eight years is significant – isn't fair. It also has to make you wonder what else he has lied about. Is he really a doctor? Is he really single? You should be afraid and concerned nothing was true, and all facts are at least worthy of being questioned.
I'd think very seriously of stopping the relationship. At the very least, you certainly have the right to ask for verification of every fact he's given you. And you need to find out, at the deepest level, why he hasn't told you the truth after three months!
Tread very carefully in this situation. His vanity, his sense of youth and his desire for a younger partner is obvious. But once someone lies this much, and this long, it's not clear what’s under the radar. Be careful.
Relationships are hard enough under the best of circumstances. But beginning one with such a serious lie doesn't start your foundation for communicating off on the right foot. Real love demands honesty and you certainly deserve it!
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