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Ask Dr. Pepper Schwartz
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Have a love or relationship situation you can't figure out?
Here, Dr. Schwartz shares her prudent and sensible ideas.
Dr. Pepper Schwartz
Relationship Expert PerfectMatch.com
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Question
I just ended a serious relationship of two years. I loved my girlfriend very much and always treated her well, and still, she's left me for the same guy twice. I try and move on with my life however, she calls me and tells me she loves me and she doesn't want me out of her life. How do I tell her if she doesn't want to be with me, then I need to move on completely?
Dr. Schwatz's Answer
She's acting illogical and very selfish. She's wants the best of both worlds. And, she probably doesn't know how to love either of you enough to make a relationship work.
This is a woman who doesn't trust her own emotions, and can't seem to settle on one man. It means she doesn't have a center set of guidelines about love and marriage. Her lack of knowing where "true north" lies makes her dangerous as she could go back and forth indefinitely, unless faced with the reality that most men can't handle this kind of instability and infidelity.
Follow your instincts and stay away from her. She has broken your heart twice in the past and there's no reason she won't do it again. You're obviously very attracted to her. The only way you'll get her out of your system is to stay away. Let her become a distant memory. Make it a quick and committed break. Reclaim your sense of worthiness and being treasured.
Don't sugarcoat this. Either call her, or write her an explanation. Tell her why you think her conduct is inappropriate, and how you’d prefer to be treated. Tell her not to call or contact you in any way. Create your own definition of the situation. You need, and deserve, to have your love returned. With this experience behind you, you will be ready for real and ever-lasting love!
Have a love or relationship situation you can't figure out? Join PerfectMatch and ask Dr. Schwatz for help.
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