Dating Over 40 - Ask Dr. Pepper Schwartz

Have a love or relationship situation you can't figure out? Here, Dr. Schwartz shares her prudent and sensible ideas.

Question
Dear Doc, I am a 44-year-old man. I've been on a number of online dating services for almost three years. I constantly read women want a man who is honest and knows how to treat a woman. I am and I do. However, these same women who write they want a man who knows how to treat a woman, do not know how to treat a man. I'm speaking specifically about them not having the courtesy to return a well written, thoughtful email. Ideas?

Dr. Pepper Schwartz Relationship Expert PerfectMatch.com

Dr. Schwatz's Answer
You have a good point. The problem is there has never been an established "etiquette" for online dating. As a result, people often act much more rudely than they would in face-to-face interactions. To be fair, however, some women (and men) get an over-whelming number of emails. And, in order not to spend hours answering emails they are not interested in, they just drop the ones that don't immediately seem promising.

This is disheartening to someone like yourself, who carefully crafts an opening letter and deserves a civilized response. The person you contacted may have quickly looked at your profile, and if she wasn't attracted, declined to answer you - even though a better look at what you were saying, might have interested her if she'd given it the time it deserved. That's a problem all over the web. We think we have less of it on our site since our members are looking for relationships at PerfectMatch.com™, which implies more care and review of people and their profiles. I think people should at least send a one line response, a flattered thank you, and then a statement of non-interest if that is the case. This would make you (or anyone) feel more respected, even though it was a disappointing response.

I do wonder though, if there is something in your letter giving you worse luck than some other people. Why don't you email one of our customer service reps and see if they can give you some insight? You might be unintentionally saying something that bothers women, rather than engages them. Let us take a look at it and see if we can come up with some helpful hints. We most definitely want you to have a better experience, and find your perfect match!

Have a love or relationship situation you can't figure out? Join PerfectMatch and ask Dr. Schwatz for help.