Wednesday, July 01, 2015

Dating After Divorce

Tips and Advice on Successfully Re-entering the Dating Scene

Dating After Divorce: Directions for Re-Entry

Dating after divorce is like learning to dance again. Either you were good at it, and you're just a bit rusty, or you felt inadequate to begin with. And now, here you are faced with having to do something you might not have wanted to do in the first place.

For those of you out there who feel intimidated, and notice "intimidated" has the word "date" in it, let me offer you reassurance: dating after divorce can be a most happy experience.

No question looking for love after 10 or 20 years of marriage can be very stressful. We look older, even if we don't feel it, and we have many more boundaries about who we are and what we want then in our youth. The idea of emailing someone, and facing possible further rejection, is ego threatening. I would never downplay the anxiety dating anew can arouse.

On the other hand, please remember there are other people just like you out there: they have histories, they have sensitivities, they are lonely, they want someone to love and they want to be loved by someone. The search for love and acceptance is a powerful motivator. It's achievable, but you will have to put the work in to find someone who will be the center of the next part of your life.

Continue Reading Dating After Divorce: Directions for Re-Entry

Divorce Isn't the End, It's Just the Beginning!

I recently was approached by a very nice woman of indeterminate age (let's call her Maggie, which isn't her real name). I think Maggie might have been in her late 40's, but who knows these days. Maggie told me she needed to start going out again after a heartbreaking divorce and subsequent relationship, which went sideways as well. However, she was scared of meeting people online. Maggie wanted my reassurances it was safe and there were people who'd be right to her. She was really in need of support. Having just gone out for the first time in years, Maggie said she was so nervous and upset she couldn't talk much, eat or didn't even remember what kind of food was put in front of her.

Here's what I told Maggie and it seemed to help.

I hope it helps all of you who find yourself in this situation.

Relationship and Divorce Baggage

You read the profiles on Every once in a while a man or woman says something like, "...and don't bring your baggage with you…". Whatever do they mean? And why should you care?

Do you carry your baggage with you? Read more.

Ask the Relationship Expert

Question on dating after divorce
I have been married for just over 19 years. We're now separated and going to be getting divorced. I want to get into a relationship again. The problem is men don't approach me and I don't approach them either. Maybe I am just too shy and self-conscious about myself. Guys these days seem to want just one thing and nothing from there. I made a promise to myself I would not have sex with someone right away and I wanted to wait to do that. I get very lonely and don't know what to do.

Read the Relationship Expert's Answer

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Dena & Kevin
Married on March 27, 2007
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