Be Impeccable with Your Word
By Dr. Pepper Schwartz
There is a book called "The Four Agreements" (Ruiz) which I heartily recommend to all of you. The author writes about four principles which he believes should rule relationships, and if observed, they will create more personal happiness. In this column, I want to concentrate on one of those rules: be impeccable with your word.
What does this mean? First and foremost, it means be careful what you say to someone because every word you use has consequences. If you say something unkind to someone you've just met, it could hurt as much, or more, than if they were an old friend. People listen very carefully to what you say. A casual comment like, "...You seem lonely to me..." could make a person think they are pitiful, perhaps miserable, and very sad. Any word used, even when meaning to be compassionate, has to be carefully considered. I'm sure you can recall many words you've experienced which someone may have just said in passing, anger or ignorance which you haven't forgotten.
A second meaning of being impeccable with your word, is to mean what you say. In coffee outings and first meetings, it is easy to lead someone on just because you want to avoid the discomfort of having to say, "…I don't think we're a match…". Many people will act graciously, but this use of words goes beyond being kind. Promising a future meeting, or lavishing praise on someone you have no intention of seeing again, is being hurtful and it's not necessary. You can be polite, informative and nice, while still being a straight up person. Putting on a performance is not needed and not kind in the long run. Would you appreciate it, if it was done to you?
Finally, the third and last meaning is, do what you say you're going to do. If you say you are going to meet someone on Wednesday, make sure you show up. If there is really a crisis, call and let the person know you can't make it. Don't continue to move dates around when you've settled on one for lesser reasons. And don't call them at last minute and cancel because you've decided to do something else. Sometimes when people haven't met yet, they think their words aren't as important as they are to people they already know and who will hold the person to them. You should always hold yourself accountable. It's simply the right thing to do.
It's also good for you to act in this fashion on a general level. Why? As you may have noticed, sooner or later, if bad behavior becomes acceptable, you will be the recipient of some of it. If everyone holds themselves to a high standard of honoring their word, meaning what they say, and doing what they said they'd do, we will all have better experiences. Better experiences mean you enjoy meeting more people, which will enable you to meet the person you are looking for and wanting to fall in love with.
Words, and your word, most definitely matter. To maximize your PerfectMatch.com experience and get the most out of our member's words, utilize PerfectMatch.com's Duet® Analysis Profile, a revolutionary 360º presentation of its members to its fullest!
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