By Dr. Pepper Schwartz
No matter how you view it, the entire month of February is infused with Valentine imagery. This makes the month tainted for some, tempting for others. If you need an excuse to make a move or step up your search, the advertising crush for Valentine's Day will keep you on track. The question is: what do you really want to do with this exciting opportunity?
Granted, if you are not with someone special already, the pressure can be annoying, upsetting or both. No one wants to feel like the only person in the world who is not in love, or falling in love. You can say, "It's crass commercialism" and see if this protects you from all the rose and chocolate ads. Or, and this is my preferred option, you can use the coming weeks as motivation to have, at the very least, a promising person in your life to share Valentine's Day with.
You may be thinking this is ridiculous. You might say, "I have had 32 dates, with 32 wrong people. Why would I find one now?" For starters, you are not the only one who sees all the romance ads and is affected by them. A lot of people are thinking about how great it would be to be in love, even if they suspect this holiday was just invented to sell cards and candies. The truth is, we all want someone to surprise with flowers, someone to share a special dinner with, or someone just to cuddle up with in front of the fireplace. Love is in our bloodstream, and as cynical as we may pretend to be, most of us would change our lives in a New York second if we thought it was for the great love of our life.
What does it take to find this special person? Work. It's not a romantic word I know, but that's what it takes. It means pursuing each interesting profile on PerfectMatch.com, perhaps even taking a chance and trying a "perfect match" who is a little out of your ordinary comfort zone. Have coffee date after coffee date, and take the initiative by writing a second email when someone you are keen on doesn't respond to your first effort. I also suggest getting "Finding Your Perfect Match", my new book out this month, published by Perigee Putnum. It is an in-depth version of the matching system on the PerfectMatch site, with additional information on compatibility about money, sex, values, sociability and children. It is all about making better choices by having additional self-knowledge about how you love, and more information about who you should look for.
I truly believe if you decide to make this Valentine's Day a time you spend with someone you are deeply attracted to, you can do it. You may not head off into the sunset together, but then again, the more effort you put into this, the better the chance is you will. The important choice is to put your time, and your heart, into making Valentine's Day meaningful. Love is out there waiting for your embrace and this is an excellent opportunity to make this Valentine's Day memorable!
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