New Year's Resolution
By Dr. Pepper Schwartz
One great thing about a new year, is you begin a new calendar. In a sense, it's an invitation to a new life. While we all know New Year's resolutions are hard to keep, this is a good opportunity to take action! Action, in this case, being a new resolve to finding the perfect match you are looking for.
Desire alone, however, won't get you there. So, in the interest of making 2007 truly effective for you, here's a "Get Yourself a Perfect Match" checklist. This checklist will help you to take a good look at yourself, and motivate you to change behaviors which are not helping you find the one you love.
The "Get Yourself a Perfect Match" Checklist
- Have I taken the Duet® system seriously enough?
A lot of people just look at the photos and forget to use all the data Duet® provides. If you do just look, you're missing important information about the people on this site. These are insights which will help you understand what a person's personality is like, and why they might be much more enticing than their photo may suggest. For example, if you like people who are successful, take charge and are charismatic, take a closer look at RAOVs, SDCEs, or SDPEs. A closer examination might give you a different insight into the make-up of this person and you might want to meet someone you had originally overlooked.
- Do I wait to be matched? Or, do I use the profiles and photos as much as I should
In conjunction with the matches we give you, you should use one of the features unique to PerfectMatch.com™: "you" conduct your own search. Besides looking at Duet® profiles and considering people who are compatible, try to find your matches in every way the site offers. For example, look at photos which attract you, and then determine if their Duet® matches with yours. This is especially helpful if you are a person who needs chemistry to connect with someone. On the other hand, don't fall for just a pretty face. The Duet® profile is there to help you avoid ridiculous pairings.
- Do I look at compatible profiles, and give them a thorough and careful consideration?
How much time do you spend really reading and thinking about each person? Do you make split second decisions? Haven't you ever been wrong about someone, made a snap judgment and lived to regret it? Most people have. Don't make this mistake any more often than necessary. Spend more time and think more deeply about who this person is. First impressions are not always accurate. Give yourself a little time to make such important decisions. You will find people you missed on the first quick look, and this "someone" just might be "the one".
- Have I ever broadened my categories geographically?
Ideally, she or he would be within either walking distance or a short drive from you. This will rarely happen and sometimes looking in a very small geographical area doesn't work to your advantage. Sometimes, your true love could be in another city. You wouldn't want to miss this very special person, correct? So, why not look in adjoining cities? Be adventurous - didn't you say you were an R rather than an X, or wouldn't you like to be an R for a little while? Why not look all over the country? At PerfectMatch, we've had a lot of people who fell in love, but who also had to take a car trip or catch a flight to meet and find out more about each other. This is something you should at consider.
- Have I broadened my categories enough by age?
I am always amused at the narrow age range many people use. Most men pick women several to many years younger, or no older than their own age. Most women pick men a few years younger, maybe up to five or so years, but rarely a lot younger. I agree perfect matches are usually within a decade of each other. You, however, may be atypical, and concentrate more on commonalities, attraction and some interesting differences than just the number of years someone has spent on earth. Be open and if someone looks terrific to you, but is not your usual age preference, give them a chance. You might find, as quite a few other people have, age isn't the most important category for compatibility.
- Do I have the best photo up, something that actually looks like me today? Or, do I have no photo or something fuzzy and/or 10 years out of date?
Why are you playing games with your photo instead of having it work for you? A fuzzy photo doesn't benefit anyone. Either people avoid you because they think you are hiding something (which you probably are), or they meet you and don't like the way you look because your photo misrepresented you. No photo at all makes it hard for someone to connect to you, while an photo much younger than you are, will set you up for some embarrassing, even humiliating moments. Honesty is the best policy, even if you are heavy or not particularly movie star material. Not everyone is looking for a movie star, and certainly most people don't look like one either. Get a flattering photo which is realistic, and you will meet someone who is a lot more likely to begin a relationship with you.
- Do I exchange emails so long we both lose interest in the process?
Some people like to exchange emails for a long period of time, but generally, most people don't. There are no set number of ideal exchanges. However, it is fairly clear pretty early on there comes a point where one person should suggest some kind of meeting. It can be minimal, say a 20 minute meeting between appointments. Or, a more extended meeting, perhaps a lunch or hour coffee get-together. But, if you don't get serious about meeting each other early on, enthusiasm can drift and disappear. Worse yet, the person you were interested in and getting to know, might move on to a more welcoming person.
- Am I working on my physical health and fitness at all?
You might not feel good about your looks if you have an unclear or unfair photo up; you have been putting off meeting people because you are afraid they won't be interested in you when they see you; or you haven't wooed them well over in email. Part of this is a self esteem problem, which needs some mental discipline to get over. The other part may be the realities of your physical appearance, which needs some physical discipline to get over. If you need some toning up of your self esteem, go see a therapist. If you need to rebuild your physical self, join a gym or perhaps get a trainer. You'd be surprised what happens once you get disciplined about making your mental and/or physical self better. Your sexual interest will increase, you will feel more attractive and your self esteem will blossom. Just this change in attitude - not to mention looking better - will affect your success in the relationship market.
- Am I warm, interested and open when meeting people?
Once you are working on yourself, you need to work on how this new self welcomes or puts off potential perfect matches. Regardless of your past, you have to approach it now with all the openness and vulnerability of a person who has known happiness and is trying to replicate it. This means being warm, friendly and self revealing when you're out with someone. People are drawn to warmth, and they want to know the person across the table from them is happy to be there. Even if you are not thrilled with a particular outing, practice your warm approach with everyone. It will make everyone feel good and you will become more skilled at showing the side of yourself that is capable of love and kindness.
- Do I listen enough, and do I ask interesting and personalized questions of the people I meet?
Share and listen are your key words. Starve either of those categories and you are less likely to be someone another person wants to see again. It seems like everyone would know the other person needs a chance to talk, and they would need to know someone cared about what they said. But, people get carried away; sometimes it's nerves, sometimes it's just sheer ego. They absorb all the time without ever finding out anything important about the person they are with. This doesn't go unnoticed by the other person incidentally, who is usually completely bored and probably insulted to be in the role of audience, rather than the role of potential partner. No matter how nice they may seem, they are probably in a hurry to flee after an hour monologue. Don't make this mistake, and if you've made it, try not to ever repeat it. Make part of your New Year's resolution to leave each person knowing something interesting and important about them, while giving them an equal amount of insight into you.
Remember, it's a new year, which gives you a new chance to find that someone special. And the best place, with the most leading-edge technology and overall tools to assist you in this journey, is PerfectMatch.com™. Utilizing this unique site, make 2006 a year to remember…and hopefully, an anniversary date, too!