New Year...New You...New Valentine!
By Dr. Pepper Schwartz
It' might seem trite or even retro to talk about New Year's resolutions. However, the fact is we all hope for a new start in some part of our life as the old year goes out and we face the new year.
One goal I think worthy of your best efforts is to aim for having someone special in your life by Valentine's Day. Now of course, you might be in the best shape of your life and be dating three fantastic contenders for your heart. But, just in case your life is a little less perfect, this might be the time to think of what you need to do for yourself to help you find your perfect match by Valentine's Day.
Here's a check list - and a few suggestions - you might want to think about, and if appropriate, act on!
1. Are you shy? Maybe you freeze up on the dating scene. You don't know how to promote yourself to someone else without feeling awkward, fake or obnoxious. If you have offended or bored your dates this year, how about going to see a counselor who can help you clean up your act? Some of these professional coaches specifically address dating skills; others will help you relate better to people in all kinds of situations. But the fact is, if you've been hopelessly outclassed in previous interactions, one resolution you might make is to get some one-on-one help. You can be more engaging if you're willing to listen and change. This will, of course, will really help you once you're using PerfectMatch.com's powerful and unique Search tool.
2. Do you listen? Do you know how to help someone else feel you found them interesting? Do you let someone talk about themselves in a way that makes them feel you care who they are and you two are simpatico? You may not be shy, but your bigger than life personality may be too dominating and too self absorbed. Take a look at your style. Ask some friends (or even dates who moved on) if you listened enough and responded in a way they liked. If you get some negative feedback, don't get angry or depressed. You could get a book by Harvel Hendrix or see an image therapist who will help you not only listen well, but charm someone with how well you now know them.
3. Do you present well? Do your clothes compliment you? How about your hair? How's your hygiene? Sometimes a coffee date is over before you've said hello. You look sloppy or dirty, and the person you are talking to isn't going to give you a second look. They're counting the minutes until the coffee is over - and you've no idea why. Get an impartial evaluation of your style, and really listen to what people tell you. They say "clothes make the man", but it's also true for a woman. A man who looks well put together doesn't have to be handsome, and a woman who looks classy can be seen as attractive, even if she isn't classically pretty or beautiful. Almost any good salesperson in a good department store can put you together in a new, and probably better way!
4. What about that weight? Be honest. That "extra 10 pounds" you carry might really be 30 or 40. It's going to get in your way. Maybe it shouldn't, but unfortunately it will bother a lot of people. Why should you lose out on someone just because you haven't kept yourself relatively in shape, and they have? And, let's don't forget the health issue here. Pick a gym you can afford and get some momentum working out so that a month from now, you're on your way to looking your best. It doesn't matter what age you are: Being healthy and fit really makes a big difference in the dating world…and in your personal life.
5. Are you happy? Research shows people are attracted to happy people and more likely to avoid someone they think is unhappy or depressed. If you're bummed out, you need to solve your problems, or at least learn to live with them and not have them make you appear like the saddest, most hopeless person in town. Look into a new job (I know the economy's very tough, but perhaps you can volunteer and it might lead to something); move to a new state; get over your lousy divorce or being dumped; or get counseling for truly sad things in your life you haven't been able to manage. There're a lot of people in the world with terrible, day-to-day challenges, who, by force of will and character, have been able to forge ahead and have a positive, happy life. You need to attempt to conquer depression - seeking professional help if necessary - and embrace a positive attitude so others will be drawn to you, admire you and want to share your life.
There's time to get on the right track and that time is now! Now is the time to get your act together! Enter February and Spring with new optimism, new skills, new confidence and a new look. You can be awesome if you're dedicated to improving your weak points and learn to play up your strong cards. The beginning of the New Year can be the beginning of the New Improved You!
You don't have to be perfect to have someone love you. But, you do have to make an effort - and be able to talk and listen well, look nice and present an engaging, happy personality. In almost all cases, this is all attainable. And when you do, chances are you'll be able to celebrate Valentine's Day inside a promising relationship!
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