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When do you stay? When should you leave?


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Sometimes the following happens in relationships: you are dating someone that you like and they like you too. Unfortunately, you don't feel your relationship is progressing towards the long-term commitment that you desire. You may have begun to wonder what clues to look for that will help you decide to either further invest in the relationship, or allow you to create a graceful exit strategy so you can begin dating new people.

Here are five areas to consider before making any decision:

Deeper Feelings

You have been dating for awhile, but are no closer to knowing your partner's deeper feelings about you than you were when you went on your first date.

Relationships that are going moving forward will also progress on the emotional level. Within a month or two, you should be discussing just how much you like each other and the things that make the other especially fascinating or simpatico. If there are no talks like this, you should be concerned that you are with someone who doesn't see your uniqueness and appreciate you. It could be your partner is intentionally being very careful not to create more intimacy between the two of you which would further expand the relationship.

Good Conversations

Quite a bit of time has passed and you have been only going out to movies or events and never seem to have quiet, long, and intimate time together.

Some people are just great fun to be with, and there is just one fun or exciting event after another. No problem, that's wonderful if you are in the relationship primarily for good companionship and entertainment. But, if you are seeking something deeper and you realize that you are not spending any quiet time talking about your relationship or your future together this might be intentional on the part of your partner. If you find your questions about the relationship are going unanswered or seem intentionally side-stepped, it's not an accident. And it's definitely time to move on.

Lack of Physical Affection

Quite a bit of time has passed and there is no real physical affection.

After three or four dates - sometimes, right away! - you should want to kiss each other, and pretty passionately too! If there is no chemistry percolating between you both, the future is unlikely to create it. Conversely, if you are already having intimate relationships but there isn't a lot of hand holding or spontaneous touching each other, then maybe that the relationship is - for the lack of a better term -- all about sex which is simply not enough if you are looking for a long-term successful relationship!

Time to Get Exclusive

You think it's time that you both should be exclusive and the other person says they are not ready.

Hmm... not an optimistic forecast for the future is it? Sure, you can't (and shouldn't) ask for exclusivity in the very beginning of a relationship, but if one of you is pressing for exclusivity and the other person backs away, so be it. It's important you know where you stand in the relationship than forge ahead with false expectation that you will change the mind of another.

Courtesy and Respect

You are smitten. You can't think about anyone else. Ultimately, when you are in that condition, you can't effectively observe how you are being treated.

Are you being called as much as you call? Do you do nice things for your new sweetheart, and do they reciprocate? Exactly how balanced or one-sided is this relationship? If, unfortunately, it's you who is doing all the leg work, you need to end the relationship sooner rather than later! Hanging on is never a good idea when you are in love and that love is not returned. It's time to protect your heart. Remember, if someone misses you, they will find you. But if you leave, and no one follows, it's time to find someone new.

None of these 5 areas are foolproof, however, the more specific and clear you are in setting your expectations the more successful you will be in your new relationship! I often tell people that love cannot be manufactured. At PerfectMatch.com, our members are looking for someone special and it's important to keep looking until you find true love. Your perfect match it out there, and together, we'll find them!

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