Dealing with Rejection
By Dr. Pepper Schwartz
There is no one who has had 100% success with the opposite sex. Sooner or later, everyone gets a kick in the stomach. It's an awful feeling. It usually comes from someone you wanted to continue to see, telling you it's not working, or they just aren't interested in even going out a second time.
No one enjoys these experiences, but people take them differently. Some people don't even notice, as they weren't invested in the first place. They expect most things not to work out, and the person who retreated did it just before they were going to do the same themselves. Sometimes, they take a long time to get engaged in someone, and they don't become emotionally vulnerable until way later in a developing relationship.
However, other people feel everything poignantly. When someone rejects them, even someone they weren't too attracted to, they take it personally. After a series of one shot meetings, say three or four coffee hours which never turn into a second meeting, there is a feeling of utter devastation-or deepening cynicism. You start expecting everything to end. You wonder what's wrong with people nowadays or, worse yet, you think you are just a loser and no one is going to love you.
This is the feeling you have to fight. I know, easy to say, hard to do. But, it is not impossible to fight feelings of failure and still enjoy meeting others until you find "The One". The fact is, it takes most people some time to find someone to love. Only a fortunate few have everyone wanting them, or the blessing to meet the person they want right away. Most people are on a learning curve: learning who they want, picking someone who is not only right for them, but someone who will also reciprocate their interest. This is what makes PerfectMatch.com's Duet® Analysis Profile, a revolutionary 360º presentation of its members, so valuable. The new profile, divided into a four-part grid, offers a rich showcase of important information for relationship-oriented singles, including an in-depth personality analysis, perspective on their lifestyle and approach to relationships, their core values and ideals, and their personal preferences.
Still, in the end, no one likes rejections. Other than utilizing Duet®, perhaps these three guidelines will help you get over them and stay in the game until you find your perfect match.
First, if you are having a series of rejections, reconsider the profiles and personality types you are going after. If you keep going after the same type, maybe you need to go after someone somewhat, or even greatly, different. Consciously change something important: age, weight, whether or not they have been married before, goals or income. Any one of these changes might present you with a new meeting opportunity.
Second, be more specific about who you are in your profile. Make sure you get your personality across and pick people who are very descriptive about what they are looking for. Try to fit exactly into what they say they want and make sure, by email and phone, they know who you are.
Third, include several current photos. Make sure they know your weight and general appearance ahead of time. One photo can often be misleading. Look for people who also take this complete approach. It's better to realize right away they are wrong for you, or they are disappointed in how you look.
None of these steps are foolproof. But, the more specific and clear everything is before the first coffee, the better chance there is for a second one. And here's one last important thought: remember love isn't easy to manufacture. At PerfectMatch.com, most members are looking for the person they are going to spend the rest of their life with. If they choose not to see you again, it's often not because they don't like you, or think you are unattractive. Instead, they are looking for a special someone. While they may think you are great, they may not think you are the person. This isn't an insult, even though it may feel bad at the time. Most of the time, you will have to admit, they weren't going to be your life-long relationship for you either. Bottom line: develop a little tougher skin, don't take it so hard when it isn't a match, and keep looking until you do find true love. Your match it out there, and together, we'll find them!
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