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Too Needy? Be Careful!


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In general, being too needy is a truism. If you appear too interested in someone, if you call or e-mail constantly, if you send or give too many gifts or do too many nice actions which are unreciprocated, you could be in the process of losing the person's interest.

If we're talking about passion - not long-term love - sadly, it can sometimes be built on scarcity. If you're in this situation, perhaps the way to keep someone's heart beating faster is by: Being slightly unreliable about your feelings; not being completely committed; or being intrigued but not smoothing someone. If you truly love someone, demonstrating this behavior can have very bad consequences for you; the other person could think you're not interested enough and move on.

This behavior seems wrong on some levels; playing games isn't something advised for most because they simply can't do it. However, for some, you might be tapping into something wired into our mammalian behavior. For example, if you chase after a horse, the horse often will run away from you. But if you have the horse's attention, and then turn your back and walk away, the horse often will follow. You can try this behavior on almost any domesticated animal. If they're interested in you at all, they'll follow.

The dilemma about not being too easy, too needy or showing all your love and interest, is it takes away from the breathtaking feelings produced when you're passionately in love or you have a big crush on someone. When you're totally smitten with someone, you want them to know it, and you want to show it. You want to be with them, touch them, do nice things for them or call, just to hear their voice.

Now, if the feelings are mutual, it's really hard to resist being too needy. You're both: Saying I love you; are calling/e-mailing all the time; or are all over each other at every given opportunity. Still, even when you're head-over-heels about someone, at least in the early months, you really want to establish and keep some boundaries. You'll know if they're in the same frame of mind by their reaction to your calls, e-mails, etc. Always say honest things, but make it clear you're still your own person. Yes, you want to share a lot of your time with this person - if they're interested - but, you aren't someone who can be taken for granted.

This behavior's particularly important in the beginning of a relationship. Over time, you'll be able to evaluate, and be evaluated, with a clearer head. You'll be able to see why you should, or should not, be together. At the outset of your relationship, in order to help it grow, ensure you show honest affection. However, don't demonstrate you're totally signed, sealed and delivered. It's a delicate dance between two individuals. For some, a little bit held back makes it more likely the relationship will go forward; for others it won't. Too much held back, and you could short-circuit the build up of love and a lifetime together.

You have to feel your way forward, and come out somewhere in the middle of giving everything and giving enough. Be honest in your approach, pay attention to the signals the other person is giving you and act accordingly. Remember, your heart is at stake, along with a life-long relationship. It'll all be worth it when you find your perfect match!

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